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Wed, 13 May 2009
Ad Reflux
So I'm sitting watching the tube the other night (yeah yeah) and Fred, a pleasant-looking slob, comes on and tells me he was sad because his frequent heartburn kept him from eating the foods that he liked, as he gestures at something breaded in the frying pan. Let's overlook the fact that if Fred laid off the salt-fried lard snacks, he might have less heartburn, and that his (politically correct female) doctor should have told him that instead of lining him up with the latest trendy heartburn drug. But poor Fred's frequent heartburn turned out to be the dreaded Acid Reflux Disease, and anything that qualifies as a "disease" in today's society must be treated with one or more drugs, doncha know. It wouldn't do to have Fred lay off the KFC and fish fingers and chicken-fried steak; he might not be porky enough to get the next "middle-American schlub" commercial role to come along. Or, hope against hope, a lead role in the new Fox reality show, Porky Middle American Schlubs, an endearing yuck-fest which pits well-padded middle-aged men against various challenges like pits of alligators, hungry Bengal tigers, and suburban soccer moms on their way to a shoe sale.
And what's the deal with making it a prescription drug? Are kids going to be abusing heartburn medicine after school, mainlining it for the acid-relieving rush it brings them? Why must a doctor-priest control our usage of it?
But that's not what really caught my eye. Thing is, the drug Fred was prescribed is called "AciPhex", pronounced (I kid you not) "ass effects". Did no one in the confusing clutter of drug companies (Tokyo-based Eisai Inc. and the PriCara® Division of Ortho-McNeil-Janssen Pharmaceuticals, Inc., a multi-national division of Johnson & Johnson) or whatever ad agency they hired to make the Fred commercial notice that their new drug has a name that's better suited for a designer hemorrhoid cream, or some sort of bizarre ass-hair dye treatment? Stylish buttocks tattoos, maybe?
I prefer to think that at least some of the smart boys'n'girls down in the creative department saw the connection right away, and sat snickering in the pitch meetings while some oblivious bastard of a pointy-haired boss smiled and nodded and rah-rah'ed and praised their new Fred ad. Presumably there's a Martha ad coming up, with a portly middle-aged woman complaining that her (probably male this time) doctor wanted her to go off the grilled stuft burritos and start eating veggies and yogurt, the America-hating commie. But I suppose I could be wrong about that.
Let me hasten to add that I do have sympathy for people who really suffer from acid reflux disease that needs to be treated by drugs, which I assume is the actual target market for AciPhex. And as drug ads go, this one wasn't bad. I hope they paid the Fred actor well, because he did a good job. I'm sure it's a fine drug, and when they came to the part where they listed the potential side effects, the list was astonishingly short: headache. Usually it's a set of conditions that are far worse than the initial disease, like insanity, blindness, sudden death, leprosy, and the always-popular anal leakage. Going by the list of side effects, AciPhex is actually better for you than broccoli, which in addition to making you susceptible to butter or cheese sauce addiction (take my word on this), can also give you a devastating case of the farts.
But c'mon, guys, change the name.
Posted at: 23:32 | category: /Humor | Comments (0)
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